Half-ass Hugs

I am a people-watcher. In fact, if people-watching could be a sport, I would have taken the gold years ago. I don't know what it is but I just think people are so fascinating, especially when they are just themselves without having to worry about impressing someone or trying to be something they're not. Tonight I went to my favorite coffee house for "open mic night" where people can play music and sing just for fun. I am sure you've been to places like this before and most of the time, the music is just mediocre but every once in a while you'll get a really great person to listen to, and luckily tonight, almost everyone was wonderful and I was so happy to be out of my house, out of school, spending time with my best friend, and just listening to some good music. This may not be thrilling to some, but for others, it makes for a perfect night.

Because it is so close to Thanksgiving break, the place was packed with college kids reuniting with friends and returning to their favorite Tuesday-night spot. I had so much fun watching everyone! I hope this doesn't make me creepy. I don't mean it in that way, I'm just fascinated by people and psychology and interaction, and because I tend to notice little things that often go unnoticed, maybe I enjoy people-watching a little more the average "novice." That's a little people-watching-champion sarcasm for you...

One thing I noticed all through the room tonight was the half-ass hug. I hate the half-ass hug, because I think it proclaims its title so well. You know that hug where people only put one arm lightly around you and arch their neck and angle their head in such a way that you feel as though you are dirty or somehow completely and utterly unhuggable? Where your bodies don't even touch and their other arm just hangs like a limp chicken at their side? Why do people do this? I don't know. What's wrong with just actually hugging someone? I feel that hugs like this scream "I guess I like you, but I don't like you enough to hug you like I actually mean it!" I'm sure this is in part due to my mom's influence.

When I was in sixth grade, one of my favorite teachers got married. She was everyone's favorite teacher, and she was kind enough to invite her students to the ceremony. My mom and I were sitting behind a row of girls from my school, and as they greeted her and gave her a hug, each one of them only gave her a half-ass hug. I didn't notice, to be honest, but my mom leaned over and whispered to me, "Make sure you hug her with both arms and thank her for inviting you..." I thought this was silly, she was always such a Miss Manners, but when I noticed that none of the girls were actually hugging her, I realized how it looked and how I wanted to make sure that my teacher knew I was really happy for her and happy to be there. Sometimes, I don't think people realize what a small thing like a hug can say. And when you don't give a hug like you actually mean it, it says an awful lot. I guess if you aren't going to hug someone like you mean it, then don't even bother.

Kind of like in the movie Bambi when Thumper's mom says, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all..."

My mom used to say this to me all the time. I find so many things around me that remind me of her and how much I loved her, how much I still love her now, maybe even more so than I did yesterday and the day before that. I have not hugged her in 72 days. She died on the earliest possibly day we were allowed to take her to Hope Lodge, day 15, although she would have needed 24-hour care. She has been in Heaven for 47 days, and today, she would have been 62 days old if everything had gone correctly with her transplant. It is weird to think that by now, she could have been staying in Hope Lodge and recovering for nearly two months, anticipating Christmas and more importantly, anticipating her return home sometime in January. Today, she would have been 59 years and 44 days old. Today, I am 24 years and 19 days old. She was far too young to die, and I am far too young to be here without her. I feel like I am just a little girl without her.

I'm sure that I will never be able to watch Bambi again.

One thing that brightened my night, despite a room full of half-ass hugs, was seeing one of the girls whose father just died of colon cancer. I do not know her well, I know her older sister better, but before she left, she waved to me and my friend and said, "Bye! Love you guys!" I literally have only talked to this girl maybe once or twice in my life, but her saying what she did somehow didn't surprise me. She is such a lover, and she came from a family of lovers who taught their children well.

I think it is absolutely remarkable that a girl who has just watched her father take his last breath because of an evil, take-no-prisoners disease like cancer can embrace love and people the way she does. I find it amazing that after such a terribly heart-breaking event that she still has such a capacity to love, when most people can't even care enough to give someone a full hug. I would love to see the world filled with more people like her.

Give someone a genuine hug today. Please. It speaks much more than words can ever say.